Dad, Cory, Papa..... We Miss You

I dont even know how to start this post. I have been trying to write it for 4 months and i couldnt get myself to do it. Just thinking about writing it makes my heart so heavy. I feel now like i can get through this post with many tears but also some joy so i am going to try.

My Father in Law Cory Wride was killed in the line of duty on January 30th, 2014. He was on duty when he saw a car pulled over to the side of the road with its hazards on. He pulled up behind to see if they needed any help. What he saw in the car was a 17 year old girl driving and a 27 year old guy in the passenger seat. He got the information and the passenger gave him a fake name. He went back to the car 3 times to get the correct info. As he was sitting in his police car trying to figure things out the passenger opened up the back window to the truck and shot 7 rounds. The first bullet shot Cory in the head and instantly killed him another bullet shot him in the neck. The car fled and got in a high speed chase and the shooter ended up dead and the 17 year old girl is in prison awaiting trial.

 This tragic time in our lives has been the absolute worst and best moments i have ever lived through. I remember being really really angry in the beginning and not being able to focus on reality. I felt like i was living a terrible nightmare. I dont know that there is much worse than having to tell your husband that his dad was murdered. My heart ached so bad for him and still does. Chance was completely devastated. His heart was shattered. For the first few days he could barley function. He had lost his best friend and dad, How do you even recover from that?

 I am not going to go into all the details because i have written those and am in the process of writing those in my personal journal, but i wanted to share a few things on my blog so everyone can see and i can look back and remember some of the details.

My mother in law called me and told me cory was shot and killed. I immediately fell to the floor bawling my eyes out. I couldnt even stand up. My kids ran into the bathroom and Blake looked so scared. I made them get out and i sat there bawling trying to figure out how i was going to tell Chance. He was at work so no one was able to get a hold of him. I immediately felt that i need to go to his work and tell him. I got the kids in the car, neither of them even had shoes on. I think i remember calling my sister and mom telling them but i dont think they could really understand me because i was crying so hard. I dropped the kids off at my friends house and cried all the way to Chances work and i was so scared to get there. I didnt know what to say or how to tell him. When i got there i had the manager tell him to come outside. When i told him, i have never been so heart broken. I think the worst part of that moment was that there was nothing i could say or do to make his pain leave right then and there. I just had to sit there and hug the love of my life while he cried till he couldnt cry anymore. We cried so hard together.

We ended up being able to fly out to Utah that night. Thank goodness. Probably the worst flight i will ever have. We just felt that we needed to be with the family right then and there and the flight was taking too long. We were able to spend almost two weeks there. It was such a whirlwind and i actually cant remember a lot of it. Watching my family grieve so hard they couldnt even function was the worst thing i have ever had to experience. their hearts were so torn. Even Blake was having a really hard time. Like i have said in my blog a lot Blake and Cory had the most amazing, special and unique relationship. I know for a fact they were best friends in heaven. When Blake found out that papa died he said," I am not sad, he is with Heavenly father right now." It was the sweetest thing. In my next post i will write all about the amazing spiritual experiences we have had that have made so much joy come out of the worst tragedy.

I hope with my whole heart that we will not have to endure something so tragic ever again here on this earth. It has been 4 months and our life is still not back to normal. We still cry a lot, Chance still breaks down and has a hard time when people talk about their dads. Blake still has a hard time sometimes and asks if we can say a prayer so papa can come talk to him. We are still having to deal with trying to live our normal lives and grieve at the same time. We struggle so bad with feeling bad about moving forward and progressing. Chance and I talk about Cory just about every single day. We still have a hard time seeing pictures of him and are trying to work through getting through all the first without him being there. Its really hard going to Chances parents house and not having him there. Its crazy how much i miss the things that drove me crazy. When i am at his house, i end up doing some of the things he would do because i miss it.

You never ever know when it is going to happen to you and your family and you never think it will. Then when it does happen you dont think you will ever be the same again, and its true, you will never ever be the same person you were before it happened. But what i have realized it that you dont have to change for the bad. I can let this experience soften my heart, strengthen my testimony and have more faith than i ever could have dreamed of. I am not angry, i am sad, very sad. But i am so beyond grateful that i have him up in heaven work for me and my family and guiding and directing us. I trust him to take care of us and its really comforting.